Two Cats in the Moonlight

Once upon a time, on a moonlit night, two cats got into a fight, over humanity’s fate, and the feline race, and whether choosing sides was right. The female cat scratched the male cat’s face, and bleeding pride, he left the alley for life.

Years later, with a scratch upon his face, the same Tomcat was strutting down a street, when he ran into a collared scrawny she-cat who lay dying, barely able to meow, or speak.

“Holy Fuck, it’s you”, he exclaimed, surprised beyond belief. But, the she-cat, she just looked upon him with dimming eyes and breathed, “Be careful, they don’t like cats anymore”, her voice all shaken with grief.

And, the Tomcat, he pawed at her face, but the warning had cost her her life. And in the same moonlight, he howled like a wolf in the night, and ran back home to his plump human wife.

Why being an Indian Woman is Really Annoying

Attention, Indian Women Rising: Self Defence can land you in Jail!

This is just so fucking pissing off. But, I can understand why. My suspicion is that this is all coz one in every 5 Indian men is a secret pervert, as empirical evidence shows. 1 in every 10 must be a groper. And one in every 100, a fantasy rapist. 1 in every 1000 probably molests his nieces. And, one in 10,000 gets drunk and can’t stop feeling people up. One in hundred thousand rapes minors he knows, so he can threaten/trick/cajole/kill them into silence. One in a million is an out-n-out raper. That’s one million rapists, surrounded by friends and families urging women to shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and take it. Take whatever society throws at your face, whether its pathetically desperate comments or the repulsive need to touch a woman (because no woman in her right mind would voluntarily touch them).

This is why the khap panchayats are kinda correct when they say that it’s the raising of the marriageable age that creates problems. That’s because the Indian society is used to finding and buying girls for their sons to rape. Because Indian society is used to selling its daughters into something even worse than prostitution. At least you get paid if you’re a whore. Not burned to death because your parents couldn’t buy your assaulter a shiny new car. Or his mother some more gold. Or some property for his father.

Like that a****** cop at the Metro who tried to snatch my pepper spray away. After being a lecherous little twerp himself. Fucking, one day you don’t dress in Black n White in this stupid city, and everybody wants to fuck with you. Well, I don’t need a pepper spray. I will claw out the eyes of any bastard who bothers me. Even if it kills me. I hope I can, when it is that moment. Coz, in this country, it isn’t an “if”, it is a “when”. It isn’t about hoping no one gets hurt, it’s all about hoping that that someone isn’t you. Grr. So much rage. This is like that 10 year imprisonment given to the chick who finally killed the guy who had been raping her for years, threatening her into silence. She finally lost it when he started bothering her sister.

Don’t stop, ladies. No one is going to hand you any rights on a plate. This is going to take screaming, kicking and punching. Stand your Ground!

As Morello says,

“Don’t let them tie you to the Stake,
Whatever it takes!”

Whatever it takes, perverts. You hear that? Whatever. It. Takes.

If you can’t control yourselves, crawl into a deep hole and die. Die, die, die! Gyah! When is our collective rage going to BURN the filth hiding in all echelons of our society? When?!

“It has to start somewhere,
It has to start sometime,
What better place than here?
What better time than now?!”

“Why Stand on a Silent Platform?
Fight the War, Fuck the Norm!”

Just another day in Skyrim

A pretty little pond.

Killed another Dragon today. After so very long. A Frost one. Thought it would brighten things up, but no such luck.. Came across this really beautiful pond though; called Mara’s eye. Or something. It was fuckin’ pretty while it snowed, and even more so when it stopped. Wait, lemme just find a pic.

It’s amazing what kind of wonderful places you can fall into while running for your life. ♥ Must remember that.. [Seems profound]

Though, sometimes I wish I could just fast-travel into the future. An uncharted water-body (half-snowy, but like spring), would undoubtedly be refreshing… but I am just so ready to be done with this entire quest.

*rubbing her eyes tiredly* I guess this is what Ezio knew to be the Bleeding Effect. Desmond. Shloka. Whatever.

And, I didn’t even have the time to Prophesize Death today! 😦
Damn it! These are *my* holidays! Mine! If I want to prophesize Death, then in the name of all the Ancients, that’s what my soul’s green fragmented shards and I shall do, Yahweh Damn it!

…

No, too tired. 😦

[I really want to smoke with the Lord of Hell, and the one who first realized that God’s absence was complete. I have some serious questions. And, yes, I know what killed the last Cat.

(o) Evil, be thou his good?
(o) “Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?”

The Cost of Living is High Enough to permit it all; Death.
It’s all about Free Will.

Which reminds me, Does anyone have some spare shots of happiness/oblivion? Hell is out, and Heaven’s all preachy.]

P.S. This is why I (should) avoid sobriety.

The Devil’s Advocate

It took me about 16 years to get around to watching this movie. Despite nearly a decade of being obsessed with Keanu Reeves, six years of which I’ve been at law school. Why now? And, what am I supposed to do with this, now?

“Free will. It’s like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.” – John Milton

What am I going to do? Whatever I want to? But, what do I want to do? Aaargh! It’s all just a God-damned test! All of fuckin’ everything! Damn it!

Why am I questioning my own existence?

Because! Because, because, because! It’s all ’bout free will. What we are, we choose to be. We choose. That changes everything. But, it doesn’t really matter what you choose. Because, we think the ability to make the choices we wish to make makes us free, but in reality, human beings choose the same things for the same reasons. Time after time after time. And we’re all headed in the same direction. And, the Devil was right about us. What if he’s also right about God? How can you choose options without knowing the end towards which you’re working towards? And, what can we know of the end, when we can’t even know the past, or understand the present?

I’m not questioning my existence as much as I’m trying to deal with the fact that I must do whatever I have to in order to reach wherever I want, whenever I want. When I know Nothing. Nothing. 

And, that’s why it’s a test, right? Because you first learn the questions, then look for the answers. And everybody fails. That’s why it’s a ‘damned’ test. Lol. 

Do we really amuse God? Does God even exist? What the hell are we all doing on this forsaken piece of rock, floating around a giant ball of fire, in endless, growing, empty space?!!

What is everything about?

The system isn’t like air because we didn’t invent air. The system is entirely a product of thousands of years of humans expressing their free will. Even when you bow your head before a God, or hijack a plane because you’ve been indoctrinated, it’s because you have free will. You can always choose.

And, I’m not saying that we know what we want. I don’t have a clue. But, more importantly, how are we supposed to know? You can only make educated guesses as to things that you perceive as making you happy, and chase them. But, with every moment, you change, and things are too static. Thoughts, too dynamic. Words, too easy. Feelings, too complicated and unreliable. Dreams are illusions. Point being, there is nothing trustworthy enough to follow, or chase, or want.

What if you strive towards nothing? Living in the moment is one thing, but does that mean that the meth addict in the tiny shack down the dirty alley is happier than someone who plans everything out for their next day, right down to the tie-pin? The “test”, I don’t mean it in a religious sense of the word. Not even spiritual, bless that poor over-hyped word. I mean, objectively, the action of living is a test. And, it’s a test we’re all designed to fail. We’re designed to fail this test as a species. And, as individuals, we take the fall-out society, after society, after society. Just like society suffers for the sins of individuals. And, that’s the messed up part. That, while society is supposed to be for the betterment of human civilization, the real war, every time, is the individual vs the Society within which he exists. Even if they are hallucinations or virtual realities.

But, yes, I agree with you there. As Decartes said, “I think, therefore I exist.”

Lastly, I’m not in Test mode! I loathe being tested, you know that? I hate it. I mean, I get it if there’s something you want from me. By all means, test me to see whether I would work out. But, it’d be nice if you would first ask me whether I would be okay with giving you whatever it is that you wanted, right? Don’t just test me, assuming the rest will work itself out. Free Will. It’s important to me. 

Also, I can’t stop thinking about God, or the Devil. Just like I can’t stop thinking about Good and Evil and Right and War and Death and Innocence and the price of everything, the value of everything. I need to understand everything. I don’t ignore the people around me. But, only because they teach me about all these things. People and their complicated, sinful, joyful lives. Every person is a step closer to the complete view of the World.

What we are, we choose to be. We have every choice imaginable to us. *Everything* is permitted, because nothing is true. Did I already say that? But, it is so so important. You have every choice you can think of; it’s just you to tell yourself doing something is too impossible. Problem is, human kind confuses ends with means. You only have full control over yourself, and how you react to things that befall you. You can’t choose to be happy. But, you can choose to not dwell on the past, or take up a hobby to distract you. You can’t choose to have a loving marriage, but you can choose to marry someone you think you will probably be compatible with/someone you love, and be really nice to them. You can’t choose to die laughing, but you can choose to live laughing, so that death finds you that way, no matter where and when it approaches you.

But, human beings don’t get that. We make wishes, and want happiness, and cry when things don’t go our way. Regardless of the fact that not even a minute fraction of the Universe’s existence ago, we were atomic particles in a gaseous ball of fire a kazillion miles away, and it is just pure, unbelievable Luck that has let us exist in this form – as living breathing organisms with thoughts, memories and the ability to experience things. Everything that happens is good. Because something is better than nothing. And, you have all eternity to be star dust again.

So, my question to your answer stays the same – If everything is about me, then what am I?

What I am is what I choose to be.

(With no clue as to what the basis for my choices should be)

Masochistic Me

The
Masochistic streak
and a lack of sleep
Bruised & bleeding feet
Have a dream?
Make it scream!
Twisted, deranged me
To Hell and back,
Born in black
Ready, Steady and Attack
No malicious acts
There are only pacts
Merrily Masochistic,
Me.

My Problem with the Hanging of Afzal Guru

The point is not that Mr. Guru was surely innocent. The point is that he should have been innocent until proven guilty. As a citizen of the State, that was his fundamental right. And, especially when the punishment being meted out for his guilt was the granting and subsequent upholding of the Death sentence, this guilt should have been ascertained beyond all reasonable doubt. It is not enough for the Court to be reasonably convinced. It is not fair of the Court to cite the “satisfaction of the collective conscience of society’. It is not alright, for the apex court of India, to base their decision on the blood lust, the need for vengeance, the crazed screams of the State’s citizens.

The truth is that this is the message that the hanging has sent out to the people: That an example was made out of Mr. Afzal Guru. A stern warning, not so much to terrorists, but to the entire community of Kashmir. And that warning basically tells them to keep quiet, to accept the atrocities they are forced to live under, to never complain, because the State can take away their lives, and the majority of this Nation will do nothing but celebrate. As long as they’re poor, and belong to the minority.

I can’t say that I am against the Death Penalty, per se. But, one reason I am highly uncomfortable with the same is that even the most efficient investigative agency, even the most vigilant justice system, even the more reliable governments – they can all make a mistake as to the judgment of a man. (Unless he is caught red-handed at the scene of the crime itself, of course). And the Indian justice system, the Indian police, the Indian executive, time and time again, they have not shown themselves as credible facets of the State machinery. Instead, the daily arbitrariness, the lack of any sense of responsibility while making comments on whichever issue best suits them, the constant harassment of regular citizens of the State – these are the norm in our Country today.

There are tons of people who believe that once a crime that crosses a level of heinousness is committed, the death sentence is valid. But, in a case where the media, the judiciary, the multitude of masses, not to mention our paranoid executive were all playing the presumption of guilt, where a lawyer was not provided to an undertrial at the most crucial stage of investigation, where most of their evidence comes from his own weirdly perfect confessions to the Police, where the Supreme Court of India has noted *several* discrepancies (not just procedural) in the non-circumstantial, non-confessed evidence against him, then isn’t it a little disturbing that the final rationale of the Supreme Court is that the execution is necessary to “satisfy the collective conscience of the people”.

Most importantly, half of those protesting this death sentence are not claiming he was innocent! All that’s being said is that the investigation was shoddy, and full of discrepancies. Don’t we learn about ‘Beyond Reasonable Doubt’? Mind you, it’s not like he was even at the scene. He’s alleged of conspiring to have committed the crime. Mainly based on his own confessions. While lawyerless. And in the custody of our glorious Indian police. The same one that came up with the theory that Aarushi’s father killed her when their original silly theory of the help being the murderer (before he was discovered rotting on the terrace) failed.

Executions are a big enough deal in States that have working justice systems. Because, there is always the possibility that you have condemned an innocent man. India’s police, judiciary and executive (bureaucracy) are nothing but flawed. 

A man who was not guilty beyond reasonable doubt was hung yesterday. *That* is my only problem..

I would like to conclude by citing a para of a article that has identified the problem with India’s Death Sentencing in a matter that is totally spot-on: “The hideous truth is this: judicial executions in India have all the rationality of the roulette table. Last month, Justices P Sathasivam and Fakkir Kalifullah commuted the death penalty given to Mohinder Singh for killing both his daughter and wife — this while out of prison on parole where he was serving time for earlier raping the girl. The judges argued that the death penalty ought only be considered when a perpetrator posed “a menace and threat to the harmonious and peaceful coexistence of the society.” One week later, Justices Sathasivam and Jagdish Khehar upheld death for Sundararajan, who kidnapped and then killed a seven year old boy. The judges noted, among other things the “agony for parents for the loss of their male child, who would have carried further the family lineage.” Besides the obvious imprint of gender values on judicial reasoning, it is the arbitrariness of outcome in cases that are similar which tells us something is seriously wrong.“

Here is a Compilation of Four statements on the execution of Afzal Guru

1. PUCL
2. Amnesty International
3. CRPP
4. The Second Shahid Azmi Memorial Lecture

Here is Arundhati Roy’s piece on the impact of this hanging on the idea of Democracy itself

Here is what the Tihar Jail Officials had to say about Afzal Guru

Here is the State’s response to Peaceful Protests against the Hanging of Afzal Guru

Nuala’s Poem

– The Sandman [The Kindly Ones]

Because I really do love this poem. And, I’m tired of looking for it every time I want to read it! ❤

“I dreamed of kittens who were born to neutered puss, 
Then dreamed about a body buried in the corn… 
Be sure your sins will find you out.

You crippled you with pain and lies. 
You’re hurting all the time; and elf 
You built your prison cell yourself then schemed 
And dreamed of open skies. 

Princess! The river holds the trout,
So does the world take care of me.
And if you do not choose to see, 
That what we are we choose to be.
It’s hard, but is all one to me.

The rule is cruel, but there’s no doubt—
I’ll dream tonight of storms at sea…
Be sure your sins will find you out.”

Source: http://alexiel.net/nuala/poem.html

People are Cruel

People are cruel
with their dark dank schemes
and their sordid lies
and their stark sad dreams
And when they look at you
in just a certain way
You know what they’re thinking
but not what they’re going to say
For, people have their own reasons
Where “reason” is just a word
One that keeps them tied up
like caged little birds
And cages make them angry,
those who swore to be free
but people are cruel
isn’t that what you said to me?

9 Things that Make me Feel Free

1. Wind in my hair.

2. Standing in the rain when I have nowhere to go.

3. Nietzsche (though he sometimes makes me sad, too)

4. The Ganga Terrace

5. Breaking (mostly) inane rules

6. Defying Authority (when it doesn’t make any sense!)

7. Catching a nap, snuggled up with my doggie

8. Fighting/Reading

9. A hug from a loved one who wants nothing from you.

Advocating for the Devil

If you look at it, Lucifer was only exiled from Heaven because of his refusal to bow down and serve humanity, whom he considered an inferior race. Considering he was one of the first two sons of God, in the form of Samael, and was nearly the embodiment of Free Will itself, what he says when challenging the heavenly host does make sense, “If all God wanted from me was obeisance, he wouldn’t have made me capable of thinking for myself.”

Further, though there is a lack of consensus as to his motivations [He wanted to rule mankind, he wanted to take over heaven, he wanted to overthrow God as the supreme being], his intentions are believed to have been one, and not that ignoble, namely: To escape out of God’s plan. In other words, all Lucifer wanted was to not be a pawn or a puppet.

Lets take a look at the “facts”:

God’s first two creations/sons were Samael (Lucifer) and Michael, and he used Lucifer to bring Stars and galaxies and Suns into existence, while he used Michael to bring “Life” into these Worlds, thus completing them. It’s after this that he created the Heavenly Host, which is the rest of the archangels, as well as the regular angels. Michael and Lucifer were always closer to each other than to the others, because Lucifer accepted that Michael was the “elder” (eldest) brother, and listened to *no one* else.

God himself loved Lucifer most, even more than he did Michael, because Lucifer was sharp and keen and never missed a thing, and God considered him his most perfect creation, especially in the way he searched the Universe for new and fascinating things, bringing them into existence by observation (which was originally the point of angels, before humanity was created).

About this time, because Lucifer was so awesome at stuff, and because Michael was not half as ambitious, God determined that Lucifer should watch over Earth, and Lucifer was absolutely fascinated with all life, and this period includes the dinosaurs, the first mammals, etc.

However, once Mankind was created, Lucifer was constantly in conflict with God, as well as the other angels, because God asked all of the angels to serve mankind, and Lucifer was convinced of their imperfection, which he held in contempt. He saw humans as treacherous, murderous beings, and refused to venerate them as God wanted. These arguments he kept having convinced quite a few angels (namely 1/3rd of the Heavenly host), but the majority of Heaven saw his words as ungrateful, and saw him as someone trying to take over the Throne of God.

Around this time, God suddenly cuts. And, the burden of ruling/governing heaven falls on the archangels. Michael sits himself in the tower of God, all depressed for having been deserted by God, but still governs it in terms of making decisions, and watching over everything. Lucifer first goes to Michael, and tells him that he doesn’t trust humans, and that he believes them to be even more vile than the beasts over which he has watched for millions of years. Though Michael loves Lucifer greatly, he sees Lucifer’s words as dangerous, and quite a few angels had already filled his tired mind with poison regarding Lucifer and his intentions. Harsh words are exchanged between the two. And, Lucifer basically tells him, “Bro, you may be the older brother, and our father may be God, but no one is the Boss of me.”

After a while, the arguments turn into full out rebellion. Though, the clever way the holy book never tells us what exactly started the war leads me to believe that Lucifer did not start the War, per se. Anyhow, once it did start, it was madness and chaos, and, of course, no one is as bad ass as Lucifer, so he started kicking everyone’s ass. I know Gabriel played a large role in what happened next. Because, he was the only other angel that both Michael and Lucifer equally loved and trusted. Anyhow, I think he runs to Michael, and tells him that Lucifer was going to get himself into trouble, and that he (Michael) had to stop him. Michael relents, and shows up with his sword, and Lucifer taunts him for being nothing more than a puppet of God, and Michael finally loses his temper, and they start fighting like crazy, and Lucifer takes on the form of a dragon [coz I think he really liked the dinosaurs :\] and they’re all going at it like a bunch of quarrelsome little boys. And God comes back, and he’s like, “What the..?”

And, Lucifer says “Humans suck, God! And I don’t wanna serve them! And, I’m your son, not your slave! You gave me the power of free will, but everything any of us do, it’s all supposed to be within your ‘plan’. Well, I can’t take it! If that’s all I am to you, I’d rather be nothing to you at all! I want out!”

And, God said, “You want your own realm? You wanna be free of ‘My Plan’? You want to truly exercise your free will? And, prove just how despicable human beings are? Well, I have just the place for you!”

And, Wham! Lightning strike to Hell. The first son, exiled. Made an example of. But also freed without God having to change the rules for everyone. Also, he got someone to look after Hell. If the most flawed and disturbing humans could see this perfect being amongst them, maybe God thought it would be an even better prison. And, which other child of God was capable enough of dealing with the worst of humanity? Why expose his angels, who were supposed, and required, to believe in the goodness of man, to the kind of filth mankind is actually capable of? And, after all, mankind was a kinda experiment… If Lucifer was right.. well, God knows that he (Lucifer) can handle them all.
[Okay, this last part is all just me trying to make sense of God’s decision. Because, he really loved Lucifer. And, how can you be so unfairly cruel to something, or someone, you claim to love?]