Happiness: Just saying (Brave New World)

“Of course it does. Actual happiness always looks pretty
squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for
misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so
spectacular as instability. And being contented has none
of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none
of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a
fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never
grand.”

– Mustapha Mond, Brave New World

(Aldous Huxley)

But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.

– John, the Savage

[Brave New World]

Pyrrhic Victories

I dig my grave slower now, you know; Or,
Perhaps the speed of time is what has changed.
For I admit it takes a lot more things
To fill up the same four dimensions of space.

Could be a manufacturing defect,
The Lord knows I have an ark load of those;
But I always thought I’d hit rock bottom
All those lovely, colorful years ago.

You remember those days, don’t you, my dear?
The skies, wind and fire, the rain and desire?
Breathe, I jest; I know you have forgotten
And it’s my lone burden to light this pyre.

A requiem for a thought, more than a dream
Ah, we were not who I once thought we were
Still, I found us good, beautiful and true
Forgive my soul, Father, for I have erred.

Seeing things in one particular way,
We are both victorious, you could say in wisdom
Though I can’t help but wonder on good Fridays,
Whether your space tastes half as hollow as my freedom.

The Last Letter

I stand here to present

an arrogant appeal to your better senses

This is no argument

but a humble plea to lower your pretenses

.

For you were there when the moon fell

Don’t you remember, you were there?

You pulled me out of my reverie

And out of the way of the poisoned air

.

And you know what I am destined for

Surely, you know what I am meant to do

Is not that why you saved my life?

Back when we were young, and whole, and true?

.

But that my worth would come to so little,

If I had only had but a clue

Remember, my erstwhile lover

I would have never chosen you

.

Ah, well, what’s done is done

And what must happen, happens

I’m not afraid of your thunder and lightning

for I have fought with dragons

.

I gave you, once, a prophecy

A warning borne out of nothing but love

You underestimate your enemies

And one day, that will fuck you up

.

But, I am not your enemy, my dear

Oh, no, though one day I know I must be

I hope your freedom and space, my dear

Are worth having forsaken me.

.

Though, in this depth, I feel strangely free

And for that, once again, I owe you my sanity

The first for pulling me out of the sea

the second, for holding me down and drowning me

.

Take note, my erstwhile lover

Things are not always as they seem

The age of nightmares is just beginning

And all life is only a dream.

Iniquitous

Your heart is still as stone, my love

(Or at least, it so truly wants to be)

Yes, I have known that long enough,

Pardon my insolent iniquity?

Still and sharp as the rock beneath,

Cutting all those who mistread, my love

Yet in all its obsidian sharpness,

I thought it a diamond in the rough

My diamond in the rough, my love

Yet it’s my veins you choose to mark?

Once with nectar, now with poison,

Anyone ever mention how you shine brighter in the dark?

But, I fear not, my fellow mortal,

trapped in this sea of mediocrity

For I have seen the morbid future

and by killing me, you have set me free

And when I have drawn my last breath, as decreed by fate

your soul shall harken unto me

But it shall be far, far, too late

And I will not even haunt thee.

For the die is cast, words of the spell spoken

There remains only the way to be free

A heart, finally, still as stone, my love

And it pardons your insolent iniquity.

The End

Sorrow, like an albatross
hangs about my throat
Watching with possessive eyes
as on my own words, I choke.

I have always said I craved to be
at the least, more than free
But freedom is its strongest chain
So much larger than me

Yes, we do what we must
that alone is true
And you don’t love me
But I’ll always love you.

So, I hold you no ill will
No wishes of regret
Just promise me one thing,
that you will never forget..

Songs of light, chains of gold
And flowers of twisted steel
A seashore that weeps and weeps
And things that time can never heal

I know, you did what you had to
so that you could be free
Now, darling, be reasonable
And expect no lesser from me

I have loved you for ages
And never thought I’d find thee
here of all places,
quietly waiting for me

So forgive me for not taking the hint
Forgive me for being unable to flee
Forgive me for bothering you with the truth
But I cannot go, and I will not leave

And as the sun rises on my setting heart
I know this burden is mine alone to bear
How long, how long, will I slide?
I do not know, and you cannot care

What I Want

I want to write about other things, happier things, things that don’t get stronger the weaker I get.

I want to laugh freely, feel the wind in my hair, truly live under the infinite night sky.

I want to dream of beautiful things, and wake up to happiness.

I want to stop waiting for brimstone and hellfire.

I want to be waited for, appreciated, wanted.

I want to believe in things and people.

I want to forget the bad memories.

I want to be more than this.

I want to be ecstatic.

And

I always

do what I want.

Freedom is only a word, but so is Love

Meaningless.
Obsolete.
Stuck in a
memory
Dancing doll,
stop your feet
The song’s long
gone, you see

Irredeemable
Lost in time
A nostalgia
so sublime
Under a red sky
that bled in rhyme
Binding souls
and stopping time

Irrelevant,
it haunts me
in flashes
that taunt me
I am confused
and lonely
The past seems
now so phony

Blitzed sunrises
and stormy nights
In fragments
of darkness and light
They haunt me,
leave me in a fright
And I can’t remember
what you didn’t say that night.

But, devour me
Swallow me whole
Tell me your secrets,
then tell me more
I’ll be your blood
You be my soul
Join me in enlightenment
Free me from this cold

Alas, it’s time
the truth must be set free
I love you, it’s true
But you don’t love me
And love’s only a word
What does it know of how things feel
No, love is overrated
Still, you don’t love me

True Freedom is
its own prison indeed
You’re always a captive
of the things that you need
And wanderers are free too
as long as they have nowhere to be
Ah, perhaps only the lost
can ever truly be free…