Sleepy

A loud noise
Sleepy child
Fall into bed
Close your eyes

I will watch over you
There’s nothing to fear
I will stand by you
Be brave, my dear

Ugly words
Like scars unhealing
Halting words
Stumble over what I shouldn’t be feeling

Sleepy dreams
Come, take me away
Not to tomorrow yet
I’m stuck in yesterday

Give me a kiss
and I shall give you my word
But, remember, ‘m no merchant
Just a free, lonely, sleepy bird.

Don’t Leave me, Baby

The pain of death is not the pain of not existing anymore, it is the pain of permanent separation. It is pain for those left behind, left alive. It is pain for those that loved you, and always shall.

For eight years before I ever met you, you existed in my heart and wishes and desires. I have loved you since before the birth of your ancestors. I needed you and wanted you and loved you for so long that it sometimes feels like I wished you into existence.

There’s no one else in this whole world whose company gives me more joy. No one else who can look at me with those big brown eyes and make me feel like I am something so special, and so good. I can’t lose you, my baby. You are the only pure thing i have left. The only thing that isn’t rotten and twisted and crumbling. I need you. Please don’t leave me.

I know you’ll be in a happy place whenever and wherever you go, and I know Spooky and Laika and all your other brothers and sisters, whom you have so competitively outlived, shall be waiting to meet you and greet you and play with you, and I know that all of you will have so much fun together.

But, don’t leave me. I’ll be lost without you. How will I walk into the house knowing you aren’t going to be there to greet me with your tail and your tongue and your soft, soft ears? How will I sleep ever again? How will I ever look at a Dalmatian and not burst into tears? How will I move on, baby?

Don’t leave me now. I was away for so long. I’ve just come back to you, and being able to kiss your face, and nuzzle my face into the softness of your neck and feel your fur under my fingers, I need that, baby. I need that more than anything. Take away all those other things and people. Take everything away. Just don’t go. I’d trade it all away for you. You are the only thing in my life worth every single breath I have left.

You’re my lawyer doggy, baby. And I LOVE you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. And I will always love you most. And if you leave me, I don’t think I will ever stop crying. How will I be happy without you, baby? No. I can’t stand the thought.

I need you. Don’t leave me. I love you. I’d die without you. Stay a while. Please. I know I’m being so selfish. And unreasonable. And irrational. And I know I’m a horrible human being who doesn’t deserve you. But you can’t leave me now. Not now. You’re the only reason I have ever had to truly stay. And I need you to stay with me for a little longer.

Without you, I’d be lost.

You are my heart.

You are my soul.

I love you.

Jaded Jade

You’ve lingered too long,
my girl of stone
and your powers
have begun to fade
The grass is green
and the sky is blue
but now you’re
only made of Jade.
And you think you know
what you do
But the truth is
my girl, you don’t have a clue
Your sins find you out
Have no doubt
And they’re not quite
exactly done with you.

~~~

 

The Lost

Yesterday drifts through the mind
With memories of winter and frost
The signposts have been left behind,
But not the anguish of the lost

I knew a man, who had sailed the sea
and I asked him to be my guide
He told me of a better World
But I think he may have lied

For I live in palaces, always golden
but the real World waits just outside
Where poverty is bought and stolen
and it’s justice that’s denied.

All by myself, what is it I can do?
I asked both the brave and wise
You do what you can, you do what you must
But first you must survive.

Ah, surviving is half the war
That much, I swear, is true
And what mountains will I ever scale,
If that alone is too much to do?

And it was in those trials of ice and fire
That I first met the One I desired
And it was in those trials of fire and ice
That I lost not just once, but also twice

But that is a story for a different day
for first he showed me what I must do
It’s true, my Lord must have his way
But, my lonely soul, you must, too

So I walked on edges, watched and guided
Like a princess of Blood and Fire
Until the kingdom burned, and my Lord decided
that my feet deserved glass and wire

And it was I who hung up my dreams
In strings and strings of rope
It was I who set my kingdom on fire
It was I who strangled hope

Forgive me, forgive this dithering child
Every step I take turns into a mistake
I loved you, and the way you smiled
And it’s my own heart I most callously break

For now you no longer smile for me
I have transformed into all that is wrong
In breaking vows to reach where you sleep
I am no longer worthy of your song.

In colder times, you held my hand
You walked me home, said you understand
I remember winters, white, covered in frost
Ice and Fire, and the things that I have lost.

You will always mean, what you did to me
On that morning so old and golden
Before you could tell, and before I could see
just how irreparably I lay broken.

The Princess and the Blind

She walked up the narrow path, her long dark hair billowing in the wind behind her.

It was black once. But that was before the curse. And before everything in her life turned into the color of fire.

“Are you okay?”, asked the little blind boy. She nodded, and then feeling stupid, said, “Yes.. The path is just longer than I remember.”

And, it had been. The last time she had run up this path, she had been just a little girl, glad to finally be home, away from all of the horrors in the wide world outside. ..That was before she had taken the vow, and before she had worn the black. Now, she was just another passer-by. And the house was supposed to mean nothing.

“It’s time”, said the boy, and she nodded again, her gaze shifting to the ruins towering over them. It was.

~~~

The raven haired princess laughed delightedly as the knight pierced seven flying cards with his sword. And watching her smile set off a smile of his own.

“Would you like me to do that again, Princess?”

She nodded, and the knight watched her messy hair bob up and down with her head in rapt attention. Oh, how he longed to twirl a strand of that dark hair around his fingers. But, instead, he settled for piercing another seven cards of her new deck, losing himself in the tilt of her pale throat as she threw her head back and clapped at his boyish antics. If it were up to him, they would never march back into war. He had found himself a part of the heaven promised to them all in the name of their victory, and it was hidden somewhere along the contours of her narrow girlish waist.

~~~

“You still love him”, he said.

And she was surprised at the anger in his voice. Though she then realized that it was not so strange that he sounded so.. jealous. They had kept no company but each others’ in the last six months. Counseled none but each other. And the only time that she had gotten drunk in the last six months was in his company, when she had ended up revealing more than she ever intended.

“It does not matter whether I do”, she replied, wearily.

“He brings you nothing but pain”, he hissed, suddenly persistent.

She glanced at him sharply, and then turned away to watch the changing skies.

He dropped his gaze, and shuffled his feet forlornly, until she turned to face him again, the wind setting free strands of her tightly tied hair.

“I’m sorry, princess. That was out of line.”

~~~

He yanked her to himself, and laughed as she stumbled, his arms already enclosing her. She turned up to say something, but he had captured her lips in a searing kiss, and she wondered how she was going to walk away unscathed from this life lesson, even as his voice drifted into her aching mind.

“Are you okay, princess?”

“What– what are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, princess. That was out of line.”

“But.. wait! You said you had something to say.. What was it?”

“I don’t like repeating myself”

“But what did you say”

“Does it matter?”

“It does.. to me.”

He smiled at her confused expression, before kissing her forehead gently.

“You will always be mine.”

~~~

“Don’t worry about it”, she said, as kindly as she could muster, fingering the scar he had left her, flinching as she remembered the night he had given it to her. Perhaps things were never golden.. except until she thought about him. And then, it didn’t matter what precipice she thought of; all were achingly beautiful to her.

The little blind boy felt the expressions change upon her face, and knew that if he knew how to cry, he would, for her. For himself, too, as the princess was clearly never going to think of him in the way she thought of the fallen knight. But, mostly, his unshed tears were for the princess, because they would never find the knight of her dreams, and he did not know how to tell her this. Especially when she whimpered in her sleep.

The knight didn’t want to be found by anyone.

And two lost children, one of whom called out his name in her sleep, would not find him unless he wanted them to find him.

And it was in this perpetual fear that the little blind boy slept and awoke; that she would find him, and he would take her away.

Forever.

~~~

It’s cold, don’t you think?”

“Not if you come a little closer.”

“But you scare me.”

“No, I don’t. I only want to protect you!”

“From what?”

“Everything!”

“And what about you, yourself?”

“…No One can protect you from me, love.