Avenging Expectations

Dated: Mid 2013

I know that you expect

Songs of vengeance and fire

Clinging complaints of neglect

But, my love, I am tired..


I know you still expect

Accusations of cruelty

But pleading for attention

Has never been my specialty


I could clutch at your hand

and keep asking you why

I could say I still cared

And I could try and cry


But, baby, if you want me gone,

Well then, tell me, who am I?

Who am I to ask to stay?

Baby, who am I to ask why?


And I could chase some fantasy

And hope that half of it comes true

Or maybe find the man of my dreams

Except on nights I dream of you


And in the midst of all your fire

I crave only to burn

Like a torch to some inner darkness

That only I have earned


And I would make my way to you

Come rain-storms or hell-fire

Not for empty words

Only all my form desires


And if you asked me to leave

I would pack my bags and go

Live out forgotten fantasies

Hidden behind some nameless door


Maybe I’d even forget

The sound of your voice

Pretend that when I was leaving

You gave me no choice


And maybe I’d forget you too

Though I hope it isn’t so

Or cry into rainy nights

While he holds my body close


And I cannot help but wonder

Whether his skin, too, would be smooth as ice

And I can’t help but wonder

If any other fire would ever suffice.


You owe me nothing

And I owe nothing to you

And in this nothingness what we choose to give

Is all that must be true


So if lessons and space are what I’ve earned

Tell me, of what shall I complain?

When I would give you my immortality

What price is mortal pain?

You can’t expect me to be fine, I don’t expect you to care


Forgetting Yesterday

You say it’s too late to make it,
But is it too late to try?
And in our time that you wasted,
All of our bridges burned down…

– Payphone, Maroon 5


I cannot hold you in my hands anymore
Flowing out of my veins, like lava in flames
Shining like an intense ocean of red and gold
if I choose to burn, is it not only I who is to blame?

Though sometimes I still dream of that very first time
That my ice-cold soul felt the burn of your skin
Around your fingers, you wrapped my reeling mind
Leaving my edges on steam, and my core, molten.

And you should know I’ve been melting ever since
First in cracks that trickled, then in streams that screamed
And I wonder if you ever truly were the lost prince
Or simply a lord from some nightmarish tale I once dreamed.

My love, how can I follow you any further into this night?
When I know not the way through the depths of your mind
I set out following the treacherous moon and its light
Only to leave myself somewhere too far behind.

And now the embers falling from my skin
from all the places we have touched
are all I have to light my way of sin
Not enough, but always too much

I like to believe I’ll catch up with you sometime
Before going up in flames, or melting out of sight
And if being too weak to help you was my only crime
Then I hope at least my pyre provides you with light.


Fire and Ice – Evolution


I must stop being so charming,
she breathed in earnest
and humble, he added
earning himself
an icy glare.

But even in that snowstorm,
there was always this fire
in their eyes.

Have you ever seen any one
as ingenious as I? he asked
One in a million, she muttered.
He grinned until realizing
what she had just meant

Ice can choose to melt in a million ways
And only one of any, of all, of those
would do them any good.

Are you both absolutely out of your minds?
is best answered with maniacal laughter
rising into the light of the full moon
in perfect synchronization
— the past.

Now, the darkness whispers secrets
that the moon wasn’t made to keep,
and I’ve heard the darkness calling
and I know it’s calling out to me
— the present

I’m tired of howling
at clouds that won’t even budge
for what is stone but a stubborn cloud?
Sooner or later, it is everything that has to end
— the future?

Even when the Earth has frozen over
and the wind, disappeared from the skies
Know that I will come to you when you call.



It’s not that I’m invincible
I’m just impossible to destroy
I’ll burn and burn until it’s dawn
and leave into the void.
Of all that’s beautiful in this World
for all that’s truly sad,
I dedicate all my good
And for you, I’ll save the bad.
I’ve tried the way of Fire
And I’ve tried the way of ice
But sometimes I can’t help, but think
Some respite would be nice.
And some would say,
this is your day,
It’s your chance to exist as if you were free
But, there are things to do,
and hoops to leap through
And she sings the saddest songs to me.
Once in a while, I can rest my eyes
but all I see in my head is you,
your cruel laughter as you waved goodbye.
and every last thing we could never do.
She’s dead to you, my dearest past
and all you’ve built turns to crumbling sand
If this is the price of freedom and life,
Well, right here is where I shall stand.

The Festival of Lights

it used to mean
some things sweet, and bright,
with little sparks of fire that
we liked to pretend
we could control.

it was all about
bottles, and stories and spirits
and being able to fly
without any

it was the red horizon
itself watching over me
as I lit my heart and
flung it far above at
the laughing sky.

And then,
for a little while,
it was really the festival of lights
where good had

the prettiest of Fables
are often the darkest of tales
and the edge of suspicion
is the sharpest
of blades.

it used to mean something
more than just empty noises
that don’t even disrupt
the quiet solitude
of unfair exile.

it used to mean more
than watching fire burning fire
even as the rest of the World
slowly began to turn into
frozen porcelain.

it used to remind me of more
than the sting of betrayal
that even the old Gods
prove themselves
capable of.

Night and Day

On hallowed grounds, the twin towers stand
unshaken, unbroken, they twist and turn
And with every dream of the promised land,
they twist some more, and burn and burn

Her hands are small, her steps are light
She bows her head and prays for dawn
Watching her, hidden in the dark of the night
He is determined that morning shall find him gone

But her words are earnest, he cannot go
Eyes drawn to lips that don’t stop to breathe
And he reaches out, desperate to show
He is still here, he will not leave.

Ah, dawn is near, and they, still here
He watches as she reaches for the last fading star
He wishes she would stay, she has nothing to fear
But she cannot hear him when he stands so far.

And now the Sun is here, he shields his eyes
even as she smiles into the light
And the towers burn, as they reach for the sky
Even as he aches to flee back into the night.

A flash of thunder, a spot of rain
and her laughter hurts, like shattered glass
But he stays still, to soak in the pain
for he knows he has chosen what has come to pass.

But, she’s only smiling aloud at the stormy sky
and there is no reason to ache
What could be killed, was killed with goodbye
There is nothing left to break.

And he watches her climb the tower of fire
Even as he lays his claim to the tower of ice
Yet they both burn in unashamed desire:
The towers of truth, and the children of lies.