RIP CHESTER BENNINGTON

The first time I heard a Linkin Park song, I was about 13. ‘One Step Closer’ was the first, but it was ‘In The End’, the second, that quickly became a personal favorite, retaining its place in the top ten of my heart for the last 16 odd years, regardless of how distant I eventually came to be from the band that was there, with me and for me, while I was growing up.

The voices of Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington were my sources of light through some pretty dark times, and I don’t think I’m exaggerating in the slightest when I say that were it not for their music, I may not have escaped with my life, certainly not my sanity. And I know a lot of people feel that way. That is as remarkable as the untimely loss of Chester is tragic, though I suppose I must also admit that we would have never been ready to say goodbye. Apparently Chester was ready though. And I hope with all my heart that he finds the peace he was seeking. May he know no more sorrow…

I’ve spent the last four days catching up on two years of music that I seem to have somehow missed out on, and, now, his voice is in my ears, in my head, and I can’t… find the right words to articulate the profound sense of grief and loss I am experiencing. There are no right words.

Like I have just watched an Angel fall.

Requiescat in pace, Chester Bennington.

Thank you for everything, brother.

Love,

Always,

Me.

Judaai (Badlapur): Translated Lyrics (English)

Music: Sachin-Jigar
Lyrics: Dinesh Vijan & Priya Saraiya
Label: Eros Music
Singers: Rekha Bhardwaj, Arijit Singh

Raajhan Dhoondan Main Chaleya…
To find my Romeo, I set out
Raajhan Milya Na Ve…
I couldn’t find my Romeo
Jigra Vichon Agan Laga Ke Rabba…
Inside my heart, after igniting a fire, O Lord
Lakeeraan Vich Likhdi Judaai…
In my lines (of fate), you’ve written separation

Kho Gaya, Gum Ho Gaya
Has been lost, has gone missing
Waqt Se Churaya Tha Jo
That which was stolen from time, That
Apna Banaya Tha…
I Had made mine
Woh Tera, Woh Mera
That which was yours, that which was mine
Waqt se churaya tha jo
That which was stolen from time
Sapna sajaya tha
The Dream was decorated

Chadariya Jheeni Re Jheeni (x2)
The bed sheet is thin and worn, thin and worn
Aankhein Bheeni Yeh Bheeni Yeh Bheeni
The eyes are wet, these are wet, these are wet
Yaadein Jheeni Re Jheeni Re Jheeni
The memories are all delicate (thin & worn)(like in a bed sheet)
Chadariya Jheeni Re Jheeni (x2)
The bed sheet is thin and worn, thin and worn
Hai Aankhein Bheeni Yeh Bheeni Yeh Bheeni
The eyes are wet, these are wet, these are wet
Yaadein Jheeni Re Jheeni Re Jheeni
The memories are all delicate (thin and worn), are delicate, are delicate

Aisa Bhi Kya Milna, Saath Ho Ke Tanha
What’s the point of this kind of meeting, being together yet lonely
Aisi Kyun Saza Humne Hai Paayi, Raanjhna Ve
Why have I earned this sort of punishment, my beloved?
Phir Se Mujhe Jeena, Tujhpe Hai Marna
Again I want to live, On/For you, I want to die (again)
Phir Se Dil Ne Di Hai Yeh Duhaai, Saajna Ve
Once again, my heart has given me this curse, my partner
Lakeeron Pe Likh Di Kyun Judaai…
On these lines (of fate), why have you written separation?

Gair Sa Hua Khud Se Bhi, Na Koi Mera
Like a stranger I’ve become even to myself, no one is mine
Dard Se Kar Le Chal Yaari, Dil Ye Keh Raha
Become friends with pain, my heart is saying this
Kholun Jo Baahein… Bas Gham Yeh Simat Rahe Hai
When I open my arms, it’s just grief that comes and embraces me
Aankhon Ke Aage… Lamhe Yeh Kyun Ghat Rahe Hai
In front of my eyes, why are these moments slowly passing by
Jaane Kaise Koi Sehta Judaaiyaan
Who knows how anyone bears separation

Chadariya Jheeni Re Jheeni (x2)
The bed sheet is thin and worn, is thin and worn
Aankhein Bheeni Yeh Bheeni Yeh Bheeni
Eyes are wet, they’re wet, they’re wet
Yaadein Jheeni Re Jheeni Re Jheeni
The memories are all delicate (thin and worn), are delicate, are delicate
Chadariya Jheeni Re Jheeni (x2)
The bed sheet is thin and worn, is thin and worn
Hai Aankhein Bheeni Yeh Bheeni Yeh Bheeni
Yeah, These eyes are wet, they’re wet, they’re wet
Yaadein Jheeni Re Jheeni Re Jheeni
The memories are all thin and worn, are thin and worn, are thin and worn

Raajhan Dhoondan Main Chaleya…
In search of my Romeo, I set out
Raajhan Milya Na Ve…
I didn’t find my Romeo
Jigra Vichon Agan Laga Ke Rabba…
After igniting a fire inside my heart, O Lord
Lakeeraan Vich Likhdi Judaai…
You’ve written separation in my fate…


Credits for lyrics, with alternate translation: http://www.bollynook.com/en/lyrics/16146/judaai/

Beware the Rose’s thorns

 Her Last Letter to Lord Stone

In this world of pain lies betrayal, you were the only person I ever fully trusted with myself. The only person who learned the truth about me. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why you loathe me so. Because of a weakness I shall never have the chance to correct. Because I had already disappointed you before you had ever even laid eyes on me, even though I redeemed myself from the image of the life you once thought I’d lead… Even though you were straight fingered and caught in your own pots of honey back then. While I, while I drowned in endless rain.

Sinister thoughts overcome my mind sometimes. Maybe that’s why I hate white. Or maybe that’s why I prefer the color of skin when it is devoid of any color except undertones of blue and white. But then I remember other paler faces, and I know that that’s not true. (Is this when I’m supposed to feel relieved?)

Remember when we were flung out so far in that distant painted phony looking sky? When we laughed so hard that I began to cry, like I always do when I can’t stand how happy I am, and you wiped away every last tear even as we fell freely to the ground that was so so so far beneath us. Whispering over and over, Don’t cry, sweetheart, I’ve caught you.

Except I took too long to fall, and the ground was actually an ocean, and the ocean swallowed you whole, and made you see me from a whole new point of view, and you could tell how broken and damaged and worthless I truly was. And I could not find you. Can not find you. Because you do not want me to, and no one can reach you while you’re gone.

And I’ve followed you into this ocean, beloved. This ocean of ash and dust. You cannot turn your back on me now. Not after all this time. Not after everything we’ve been through together. Not after everything I have been through in your name!

But now I see just how this test was designed for me to fail. How the past year was designed to lead to no other outcome but this. It was clever of you. An almost automatic response, I would assume. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see it happening. But I thought I had more time. I thought I had at least as long as some real betrayal.

If I had known that this is what it would turn into. If I had only known that the easier path would be all that attracted you, that you would rather run from something as simple as pain than stand your ground and be the man you swore you were, if I had known that you would actually choose mediocrity over meaning, as long as it meant the stabilization of your dominance and authority…

My father was right about you.

And this is the price of my disobedience.

Chingari Koi Bhadke (Lyrics – Translation)

Song By KISHORE KUMAR

Chingaaree koee bhadake,

If a spark begins to flare

toh saawan use bujhaaye

then the rain douses it out

saawan jo agan lagaaye,

But if the rain is the one setting fire

use kaun bujhaaye

who shall douse it?

.

Patajhad jo baag ujaade,

When autumn uproots a garden

wo baag bahaar khilaaye

Spring makes that garden bloom

jo baag bahaar mein ujade,

But the garden that withers in spring

use kaun khilaaye?

Who shall make it bloom?

.

Hum se mat poochho kaise,

Do not ask of me, how

mandir tootaa sapanon kaa

the temple made of (my) dreams was broken

logon kee baat naheen hai,

This doesn’t concern the public

ye kissaa hain apanon kaa

This is a tale of those that are ours.

.

Koee dushman thhais lagaaye,

When some enemy causes an injury

toh meet jiyaa bahalaaye

then a friend cheers the spirit

manameet jo ghaav lagaaye,

but if a close friend is the one inflicting the wound

use kaun mitaye?

who shall erase it?

.

Naa jaane kyaa ho jaataa,

Don’t know what would have ended up happening

jaane hum kyaa kar jaate

Who knows what we would have gone and done

peete hain to zindaa hain,

As long as we’re drinking, we’re alive

naa peete to mar jaate

If we didn’t drink, then we would die

.

Duniyaa jo pyaasaa rakhe,

When the world keeps you thirsty

toh madiraa pyaas bujhaaye

then wine quenches that thirst

madiraa jo pyaas lagaaye,

but if the wine is what makes you thirsty

use kaun bujhaaye?

Then what shall douse it?

.

Maanaa toofaan ke aage,

Agreed that in the face of a storm

naheen chaltaa zor kisee kaa

no one’s will/force really works

maujon kaa dosh naheen hai,

But this is not the fault of the waves

ye dosh hai aur kisee kaa

This fault is someone else’s.

.

Majadhaar mein naiyyaa doobe,

If midstream, a boat begins to sink

toh majhee paar lagaaye

then the oarsman shall bring it to the shore

maajhee jo naaw duboye

but if the oarsman sinks the boat

use kaun bachaaye?

who shall save it?

Whose coming do you await? [‘Kiska Rasta Dekhe” – English Translation]

Kiska Rasta Dekhe
Whose arrival do you wait for?

– Kishore Kumar

Kiska Rasta Dekhe
Whom are you awaiting?
Ae Dil Ae Saudaai
Oh, heart; oh, lunatic.
Meelon Hai Khamoshi
For miles around, there is silence
Barson Hai Tanhaai
and for ages, loneliness
Bhuli Duniya Kabhi Ki Tujhe Bhi Mujhe Bhi
The World has long forgotten you, as well as me
Phir Kyon Aankh Bhar Aai
Then why do the eyes tear up?
O Kiska Rasta Dekhe…
O, whose coming do you watch for?
Ae Dil Ae Saudaai
Oh, heart; oh, lunatic.

Koi Bhi Saaya Nahin Raahon Mein
There is no shadow whatsoever on these paths
Koi Bhi Aayega Na Baahon Mein
There’s no one to rush into these arms
Tere Liye Mere Liye Koi Nahin Rone Waala Ho
For you, for me, no one is going to cry
Jhuta Bhi Naata Nahin Chaahon Mein
A false relationship doesn’t even exist in my desires
Tu Hi Kyon Dubaa Rahey Aahon Mein
Why then are you immersed in your sighs?
Koi Kisi Sang Marey Aisa Nahin Hone Waala
That someone actually dies alongside someone else, that isn’t going to happen.
Koi Nahin Jo Yunhi Jahaan Mein Baante Peer Paraee
There is no one who simply, in this world, shares and understands the pain of others.
Ho Kiska Rasta Dekhe…
Whose coming do you watch for?
Ae Dil Ae Saudaai
Oh, heart; oh, lunatic.

Tujhe Kya Beeti Hui Raaton Se
What do you care of the nights that have passed?
Mujhe Kya Khoyi Hui Baaton Se
What do I care of conversations that are lost?
Sej Nahin Chita Sahi Jo Bhi Miley Sona Hoga Ho
If not a bed of roses, a pyre will do. Whatever we get, we must sleep in
Gai Jo Dori Chhuti Haathon Se O
Once the thread has slipped from our hands
Lena Kya Chhute Hue Saathon Se
What have we to do with broken relationships?
Khushi Jahaan Maangi Tuney Wahin Mujhe Rona Hoga
Where you asked for happiness, that’s where I shall have to cry
Na Koi Tera Na Koi Mera Phir Kiski Yaad Aaee
There’s no one who is yours, nor anyone, mine; then who is being remembered?
O Kiska Rasta Dekhe…
Whose coming do you watch for?
Ae Dil Ae Saudaai
Oh, heart; oh, lunatic.