Over the last one year, I’ve been at the edge so often, it doesn’t even thrill me anymore. What edge, you ask? The edge of everything, I say. Surely that’s too vague. But, I do mean it. The edge of life, of sanity, of too much pride and none at all. The edge of being lost forever, of oblivion, of more terrible things. heh. Dramatic as always..
But, lost the thrill, you may ask, how? And more importantly, then why am I still here? Ah, that’s the funny part, you see. I burned all my bridges behind me. One after another. And, I never realized how the further you got from home, the harder it became to find some place safe. But, I know many secrets. And, the biggest one is that you can’t be safe. Not as long as you’re alive.
You can only be lucky.
Maybe that’s the truth about fate too. It applies only to the past, and that’s because the so-called fated are only people who were really lucky.
*laughs* Suddenly God seems so much more reasonable. Anyone would when we’re talking about Lady Luck. Impartial even in her partiality.
I used to be someone else. Someone more. But, in trying to arrive at the heart of any and every matter, to the truth of things, I fear, somehow I’ve gotten rid of too much. And, now, all I have waiting for me is the unbearable lightness of being.
How does any of this matter?
Surely, it doesn’t. Then, why, why, why won’t I back off before I fall off the edge of this planet entirely?
Oh. Wait. That *is* why.
Sometimes, life confuses the hell out of me.
…I would wish that it confuse me out of Hell too, but wishes are the only thing I mistrust more than promises. Because the worst they can do is always the least you can give them – belief. Things that grow darker fueled even by the light are the things you should be afraid of.
And, lastly, because I feel like giving advice even though it’s really funny since I never take my own: Get what you want. No matter what anyone tells you. That way, even if you don’t get it, you’ll be a better person for trying. and, you won’t regret it. Not half as much as you would regret never trying at all. Trust me.*
P.S. On a side note, control over yourself and circumstances, i.e. will and power, are the only two ways you can defend yourself against luck. Which explains all the hunger for power. [Seems humans find that easier than getting a grip on themselves] But, Luck gives with the same hand that she uses to take things away. And, if you protect yourself from her reach, you risk losing more than you gained, which, ironically, is all about Luck.
* Disclaimer: Exceptions maketh the rule!