It Is What It Is

It is what it is,
and what it is is tragic
To have wasted it all,
squandered all that magic

Yet perhaps this was inevitable
For everything has to end
Maybe they were mere illusions
and, maybe we, never friends

Yes, it is what it is
and what it is is sad
but you can’t lose something
that you never had

Mirages in the dessert
Hallucinations out at sea
But my favorite dream sequence
remains the one of you and me

But, it is what it is
and what it was was all pretense
Well, I give up, you win
And I guess this is how it ends.

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The Kindly Ones // Crying Lightning

 

The Origin

The Origin

“All around me darkness gathers,

Fading is the sun that shone;

We must speak of other matters:

You can be me when I’m gone”

Stasis

Stasis

“Flowers gathered in the evening,

Afternoon they blossom on;

Still are withered by the evening:

You can be me when I’m gone”

– Two-part poem in The Sandman, The Kindly Ones

Bleeding Light

In the arch of her back,
At the corner of his mind,
With all the things they have lost
and dare not hope to find
lies one last chance at redemption
flickering slowly out of sight
But he resolutely faces the other way,
while she stands, blinded by the light.

It was so much brighter once,
before her eyes grew used to this dark
whilst he nourished the flame as long as he could,
until the constant vigilance left its mark
And now he stands, unmoved, decided,
even as she begs him to reconsider
As the flame of all that once was lies dying,
promising to leave them both embittered.

Why won’t he listen? Why won’t he save it?
Girl, wipe those questions of grief off your face
What you weep for is long long gone
nor will this once raging fire leave a trace.
Except that scar, around your heart,
where the wire cut you deepest
There is no shame in falling down,
when the height you chose was the steepest.

I know you won’t stop wishing for miracles,
nor stop needing the way he breathes
I wish I could show you the truth,
because, in the end, everyone leaves.
But you know that, my dearest girl,
Isn’t that why you bleed yourself to sleep?
Ah, you’ll miss the pain when the numbness starts,
Remember not to go too deep.

Honesty gets you Nowhere

It breaks my heart
to wrap you up
only to have to put you away
But, my love of loves
I have no choice
If it is sane that I must stay

I’ve tried my best
to love you whole
and shower you in pieces of my heart
But they bother you,
poke your eye and soul
and you’d rather be safe and far

Well, I’ll let you go
I am no chain
Only a lost, forlorn, ebbing tide
I came to you
jagged and broken,
and bleeding on the inside

And you fixed me up
with the calmest voice
and laughter that I still hear at night
Only to leave me there
on that darkening shore
Lost in the dazzle of your light

Where do I go?
Won’t someone let me know?
I tire of this sunless, deafening dawn
Bring back the dark
and your softest touch
Or at least tell me the words to your song..

The one I heard
When all was quiet
drowning out the voices in my head
That swallow me whole
and laugh at my fight
and whisper how they’d like to see me dead

Oh, we all must die
that is no lie
but must I do it so far away from you?
Burned and blinded
Lost and wounded
And still searching the seas for the truth

For I had found it once
in the shade of your smile
and the color of your loudest voice
Claim me now
or send me the tide
and end this illusion of choice.

It’s always cold
This ache, it grows
There’s only ice in your veins of stone
You light your fires
and dance and desire
but it’s all only games of the throne

The ocean calls
in a voice so low
I know it isn’t in me to ignore
The mountains hear
my whispered vows
judging me as I turn to go

Do I really have a choice?
You pillars of stone!
Have any of you left me with anywhere I can go?
You fill your lands
with pain and lies
and then wonder why my answer is always No.

No, I am done with you
You Earth of cold
And your endless cycle of lies
The ocean calls
In words that are true
and remembers the truth you all so conveniently deny

So let me go
I don’t want to stay
trapped in your den of vice
My sins, they bleed
My goodness weeps
For hell is as much fire as it is ice.

Chingari Koi Bhadke (Lyrics – Translation)

Song By KISHORE KUMAR

Chingaaree koee bhadake,

If a spark begins to flare

toh saawan use bujhaaye

then the rain douses it out

saawan jo agan lagaaye,

But if the rain is the one setting fire

use kaun bujhaaye

who shall douse it?

.

Patajhad jo baag ujaade,

When autumn uproots a garden

wo baag bahaar khilaaye

Spring makes that garden bloom

jo baag bahaar mein ujade,

But the garden that withers in spring

use kaun khilaaye?

Who shall make it bloom?

.

Hum se mat poochho kaise,

Do not ask of me, how

mandir tootaa sapanon kaa

the temple made of (my) dreams was broken

logon kee baat naheen hai,

This doesn’t concern the public

ye kissaa hain apanon kaa

This is a tale of those that are ours.

.

Koee dushman thhais lagaaye,

When some enemy causes an injury

toh meet jiyaa bahalaaye

then a friend cheers the spirit

manameet jo ghaav lagaaye,

but if a close friend is the one inflicting the wound

use kaun mitaye?

who shall erase it?

.

Naa jaane kyaa ho jaataa,

Don’t know what would have ended up happening

jaane hum kyaa kar jaate

Who knows what we would have gone and done

peete hain to zindaa hain,

As long as we’re drinking, we’re alive

naa peete to mar jaate

If we didn’t drink, then we would die

.

Duniyaa jo pyaasaa rakhe,

When the world keeps you thirsty

toh madiraa pyaas bujhaaye

then wine quenches that thirst

madiraa jo pyaas lagaaye,

but if the wine is what makes you thirsty

use kaun bujhaaye?

Then what shall douse it?

.

Maanaa toofaan ke aage,

Agreed that in the face of a storm

naheen chaltaa zor kisee kaa

no one’s will/force really works

maujon kaa dosh naheen hai,

But this is not the fault of the waves

ye dosh hai aur kisee kaa

This fault is someone else’s.

.

Majadhaar mein naiyyaa doobe,

If midstream, a boat begins to sink

toh majhee paar lagaaye

then the oarsman shall bring it to the shore

maajhee jo naaw duboye

but if the oarsman sinks the boat

use kaun bachaaye?

who shall save it?

To Stay or To Go

What do you do when faced with life’s most persistent question: Stay or Go?

To Stay would mean swallowing your pride, perhaps even apologizing. Staying would mean trying to forget the shape and color of the knife that you barely managed to pull out of your throat. Staying means lowering your voice, walking on eggshells, and never being able to find the level of happiness you knew before you learnt that it could all be too easily destroyed. Staying means betraying yourself, with sugar-coated lies, and reassurances that your mind whispers to you all day long. Things were different back then. He didn’t mean it. This time is different. Staying means the constant reminder of the time you were confused, like a song that you had to train yourself not to cry at, or a milkshake that you had to stop drinking because it reminded you of him. Staying is pain.

To go would mean having the opportunity to start over. Leaving will allow you to relearn things, experience them all – all over again – with someone new. Leavng means being able to say at the very begnning, “Don’t hang up on me. I fucking hate people who do that.” Leaving means being free to pick a new favorite flavor of ice-cream, a new favorite song, even a new favorite scene from any move you like. Leaving means new adventures, new faces, new reasons to laugh and rejoice and celebrate life. Leaving shows you that you’re stronger than anything life may throw in your path. Leaving assures you that you’re still what’s most important to you – something that’s a lot more necessary than one might think. Leaving means movng on, forging your own path, letting go, growing up, seizing the day.

But, leaving can also be cold.. especially when everywhere else in the World seems dark and lightless. And when your very being likes where it is, leaving isn’t so much about moving forward, as it is about grabbing on to soul’s soft hair, and wrenching it out of its warm bath, only to drag it far and beyond everything it has known and grown to love. Leaving is about goodbyes that you *have* to say, and more importantly, goodbyes that you do not know how to say. About farewells that find you kicking and screaming as you try to hang on, and those that are so exhausting that they leave you curled up in a corner, too tired to even cry. Leaving involves the long walk down the driveway, every step of which is wracked with guilt, blame and regret. With doubts and despair. With the sinking feeling you get when you realize that it doesn’t matter how much time, effort, money or love you put into whatever it was that you must now say goodbye to – it clearly wasn’t enough. Not good enough. You weren’t good enough. Leaving is about accepting defeat, and moving on.

Yet, sometimes you have to linger.. Whether it be by your pool, or by the flowers you so painstakingly planted, even if it is for no other reason than to see them bloom. Even if they aren’t even your flowers anymore. Even if the Sun shines hurtfully, or you’re trapped in the pouring rain, or it begins to snow.. Staying doesn’t need the rewards leaving gives you, because being able to stay is by itself a reward. It gives you time to say your proper goodbyes, to apologize to those that hurt you, to kiss the pet animals you’ve rescued over the years, and tell the children to be good, and to pack up the things you know you’ll need, and pack away the things that have outlived their purpose. Staying, whether it be for minutes, months or years, acknowledges the time you spent trying to build up this castle for your spirit. It accepts the apologies you’re compelled to make every  time you see a crack in the wall. It teaches you how you could have done things differently, and how you could have saved it all.

~

Only thing to remember is not to linger too long.

Because your soul needs its hot water bath and familiar surroundings, even if you have to build them up from scratch.

Your soul needs the reassurance of knowing that you won’t be kicked out to the curb again.

Your soul needs a place to plant flowers, and giggle deliriously and be kissed by someone who cares about you so very much, that they would never ever leave you out in the cold.

Don’t linger too long. Your soul deserves better.

A Sordid Affair: Capitalism and Socialism

I have a theory on why the World is going to hell. And, it somehow relates to why capitalism wasn’t the worst idea to begin with.

At the last point of time when socialism had any shot at affecting capitalism, i.e. at the time of the Cold War, people were just beginning to appreciate their individual rights. To even suggest to such a population, standing on the brink of what looked like cities of gold, that they must necessarily share their wealth with anyone, was nothing short of blasphemous. More importantly, it was unfair. Most importantly, it seemed regressive.

“Let the people choose” was the cry of the day.

Fair enough. Had the World not seen enough of foolish kings and cruel dictators? Had we not had enough despotism to not want any more of that in the State? Of the People, By the People, For the People, cried the People themselves. Yes, the World had seen enough of force and violence and oppression. It was choice we craved, and Capitalism was the only way visible to get at it.

And, what have we chosen?

In my humble opinion, I believe humanity has underestimated its ability to evolve/adapt to situations. People, as they existed in their natural state, may benefit from a survival-of-the-fittest kind of system that is capitalism. But, as generations are born and die within this system, the more they internalize these values, these codes of behavior, this sense of what is alright, and what is not, the more our basic values and core principles shift.

What values does capitalism promote? What do we have in place of the things that even cruel kingdoms could boast of? What is it that we value if not valor and honor and intelligence and compassion and understanding and creativity and communication? What is it that we allow the system to teach our children? What does this system reward, appreciate, encourage?

Competition?

Money?

Consumption?

Greed?

No, maybe what we really need is a capitalist government with socialist people. And, I think somewhere the Indian constitution grasped this need. [Or did whichever constitution they “borrowed” the concept of Directive Principles from. Irish, I think?] The Directive Principles of State Policy, contained in part IV of the constitution of India, are not enforceable by any court, but the principles laid down therein are considered fundamental in the governance of the country, making it the duty of the state to use these as guiding principles to establish and maintain a just society.

But, as a nation what do we promote?

As a people, who do we idolize?

And, who shall our children look up to?