UnContainable

 

If I knew
how to contain this
the feeling of falling endlessly
I would not need you
to be an echo

An echo of
both the heights
and the depths
that I have only
dreamed of

Of heights and depths
that I have only
ever seen
in hues
of you.

My World
does not revolve
around you
but, sometimes
how I wish that
it would.

Because you’re all
I want to see
and touch
and know
and feel..

And because
everything else
is drenched in evil
and sin..
but you,
You will always be the good.

Even if
you do choose
to exist as a blade
without a handle
buried in my throat.

Yes, even then.

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On Freedom and Cruelty

If you ever want to be Free, you have gotta learn how to be Cruel. 
Or Apathetic. But, even that requires its own kind of cruelty.

In that, I do not  mean to say that to be cruel is to be free.

What is cruelty?

Willfully causing pain or suffering to others, or feeling no concern about it

What is Freedom, then?

Freedom is the State of being Free. It is “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants.

Since no two people are exactly the same, it is a fair assumption to make that all people say and do different things, and think in different ways, at different points of times in their lives. What you want to do or say or think shall often contradict what someone else might want to think or say or do. Since we live in a society, usually these people shall be people you know, and care about. And, if you want to be free, you must accept the fact that the decisions you make will hurt and upset them. No.. If you really want to be free, you must be willing to hurt and upset them.

And, that is why there is no Freedom without Cruelty.

Of course, to be cruel alone is not enough.

It is easy to be a cruel slave. It is far harder to be free and kind.

For, when you are kind, things are expected of you. Understanding, Mercy, Compassion, Justice. And the more things are expected from you, the lesser freedom you possess. Thus, to be free, you must either be capable of (1) Lowering expectations; (2) Disappointing expectations; (3) Lying to those that expect; (4) Lying to yourself. All of these acts also require a certain amount of cruelty.

But, as Socrates would remind us, Cruelty is bad, but freedom is good. Then how can cruelty lead to freedom?

And, more importantly, is it really cruelty that is required for freedom? Or is it in some sense, a perversion of the word, perhaps even just one single aspect of it?

Here, it would be useful to reconsider the very definition of cruelty: ‘Willfully causing pain or suffering to others’, which is definitely bad, or ‘feeling no concern about it’, which is not that awful a thing.. Is it? This is what I meant by my statement that when it comes to freedom, the only alternative to cruelty is apathy, but it turns out that apathy is itself a sub-component of cruelty.

Further, the problem with simply not caring, rather than actively causing suffering or discomfort, is that sometimes the people you care about, you will also love. And, love brings its attachments in chains. Freedom requires you to break out of these chains. Is this always cruel?

Perhaps then, a declaration would suffice. But, to someone that is beginning to like you, and form their own attachments, a declaration of your intent to never be bound by or to them, or by and to anything else, that is also cruel..

I am no closer to understanding whether cruelty is essential for anyone who wishes to be truly free. But, it makes it a lot easier, and sometimes, it does appear to be necessary. Further, even if you just don’t care (apathy), you are cruel to those that truly love you. Unless no one loves you, in which case, I guess you’re free. But, only in the way that you’re free when you’re lost..

It wouldn’t be enough to say ‘Only be Cruel when you absolutely have to’, because you can’t just wake up one morning and do the evilest act without harming your mind. You can’t only be cruel when every aspect of your freedom is threatened. No. For every threat, you must respond with equal cruelty. That’s because it’s the *only* thing that can cut through ties and bonds that other people have made with you. If the bonds are new, or weak, or not very valuable, apathy would usually suffice.

I know no real conclusions have been reached, but I’d still like to end this post now, on a slight bit of a tangent, with this quote that I find always worth considering when talking about any kind of freedom, even though I’m not fully convinced of its truth:

Who do you suppose decided birds are free? They can fly wherever they choose, it’s true… but if there’s no branch for them to return to they might regret having wings, don’t you think? Perhaps true freedom is having a home to return to.

Earth

It’s not that I’m invincible
I’m just impossible to destroy
I’ll burn and burn until it’s dawn
and leave into the void.
Of all that’s beautiful in this World
for all that’s truly sad,
I dedicate all my good
And for you, I’ll save the bad.
I’ve tried the way of Fire
And I’ve tried the way of ice
But sometimes I can’t help, but think
Some respite would be nice.
And some would say,
this is your day,
It’s your chance to exist as if you were free
But, there are things to do,
and hoops to leap through
And she sings the saddest songs to me.
Once in a while, I can rest my eyes
but all I see in my head is you,
your cruel laughter as you waved goodbye.
and every last thing we could never do.
She’s dead to you, my dearest past
and all you’ve built turns to crumbling sand
If this is the price of freedom and life,
Well, right here is where I shall stand.